The last night of 2025. I shall be in bed well before midnight, Lord willing and the creek don't rise. But for the moment it's just me, a cozy blanket, my laptop, the Christmas tree lights, and the whine of the refrigerator fan.
And me, well, I'm looking back at 2025. It's been a heck of a year and that's for sure. Transition and change, romance and heartbreak, hope fulfilled and hope deferred. Growth and pruning and dizzying learning curves.
It's the year in which I finally dared to wear jeans that fit, pierced my ears (after YEARS of wanting to; I'm still so happy with the results), regained my love of pretty dresses, collected a few more professional certifications, became healthier (and chubbier) than ever before, fell in love and lost that love, and gained a deeper awe and appreciation for the holiness, humility, tenderness, and creativity of my heavenly Father.
This was a year in which I experienced loss deeper than felt I could handle, but then discovered that somewhere along the years of healing and growth, my heart had gained an unexpected capacity and resilience. I wept deeply, fury-hiked trails as only a hurting soul can, journaled copious pages, devoured scripture, and discovered that joy and beauty had not left the world, but has quietly renewed, grown, and become more. I persistently invited Jesus into some of my deepest, darkest, most shameful parts of my soul and life, and He came with gentleness, honor, humor, tenderness, and healing, and patiently changed me in ways I hadn't anticipated.
Human healers, too, joined the story, and offered therapies, tools, nutrition plans, stretches, supplements, tinctures, and hope, leading to physical and emotional healing I didn't know I needed or was available. I'm still amazed at this; truly God is creative and wonderful in the variety of healing means that are available to us.
And coworkers... I don't know how one woman gets so many great coworkers in a single lifetime, but I've had and have some of the best. The teams I worked with this year are fabulous. Across three different organizations and several specialties, they exemplify professionalism, excellence, compassion, growth, and building up people to be all that God meant them to be. (On the Facebook version of this post, I noted that I want to start tagging individuals, but there's a 99 person limit on how many people you can tag, and that wouldn't be enough!)
It's a year in which my heart stretched across the world, but my body stayed US-bound (although I had several domestic trips). A year in which I realized that I have friends literally all over the world, a year in which I woke at 3 am to pray for friends and later discovered they were under drone attack at that time, a year in which my heart broke a bit from second and third hand trauma as dear ones give their heart and soul and tears to care for the hurting and traumatized and displaced both at home and abroad.
Some of the story of this year is not to be told here, but to be quietly held and pondered in my own heart. If we meet in person, and you buy me enough coffee (hint hint), you might get to hear some of those portions of the story! But for the moment, I'm going to bed. Happy New Year!
Amazon link dump (just [barely!] in time for Christmas)
So here’s the deal: As an Amazon affiliate, I need to occasionally post affiliate links to my website in order to maintain the agreement. So this is a dump of products I’ve bought, used, and loved, over the last year. Take what you need, ignore what you don’t and enjoy the reviews!
Nalgene water bottle. I accidentally left mine at a conference a month ago, and missed it so much that I promptly reordered. I like the widemouth, for ease of drinking, cleaning, and adding electrolytes. Sturdy, no bad taste, and BPA free.
Reishi and Ashwaghanda gummies from Charlotte’s Web. For the days when my nervous system needs some extra support, these powerful little gummies are some of the first supplements I reach for. They won’t replace proper sleep, prayer, water, or community connection. But they are a great addition to that! Side note: I don’t use anything with THC and prefer to avoid even hemp products. This supplement does NOT contain either.
Flare Calmer “earplugs” (mini). This makes the list of things-I-didn’t-know-I-needed-but-I-absolutely-love-it. They are designed to take the “agh” out of annoying or loud sounds without muffling sounds. And they do just that. The effect is subtle, but noticable. Full disclosure: the seller twice sent the wrong size and I finally ended up ordering directly from Flare. So be aware and look at this size before opening the package if you order the mini.
My absolute favorite multi-peptide collagen. Clean, relatively inexpensive, tasteless, and dissolves well in coffee.
I have hard water, and this shower head filter saves my skin from irritation and my hair from breakage.
The God Ask book. This should be essential reading for any missionary or worker who relies on support. This book totally changed how I saw support raising, and how I go about it. (I also credit it for the joyful success I’ve had!)
A gigantic write-on wall calendar. This thing has saved my visually-oriented brain SO MUCH struggle and effort. It’s incredible to see my whole year on one wall, in one place.
Small, feminine earring studs. These dainty studs are an understated and feminine way to wear earrings, and add a small pop to an outfit without being very noticeable. If you have strong facial features, you will probably want to opt for one of the larger sizes.
Blue light blocking glasses. These things are absolutely incredible! I had no idea how much blue light was disrupting my sleep until I tried these and discovered that I had much better, deeper sleep. I try to put them on every evening, or for sure if I’m using screens within two hours of bedtime, and the difference is significant and noticeable.
Barefoot sneakers. When I bought these shoes, the only color available was red (which is far from being my favorite color!). Despite that, these quickly became a favorite; light-weight, comfortably wide toe-box, with zero drop. Reminiscent of my much-loved Keds from grade-school but this time with room for my toes to wiggle!
Bac-Out stain remover. I first discovered this while working with a client who was massively incontinent of urine, and all my clothes started to stink. This product effectively removes any biological scents and stains, but is not as good for grease.
And there you have it, eleven Amazon products that I have bought, used, and loved in 2025.
NOTE: The links above are affiliate links, and if you purchase through them I will receive a small commission. This does not increase the cost to you, but does provide a financial incentive for me to recommend products. I am very careful never to promote products I have not used and loved.
Biologically Female
I recently had the experience of sitting with a woman who confesses to same sex attraction. The pain and confusion is deep, and my heart aches for her loneliness and brokenness.
The next day, I spoke to a professional woman (probably lesbian, although she didn't say so) who asked me, outright, whether my religious beliefs would keep me from teaching “non-binary clients” with respect and professionalism. She made it clear that if I couldn't, it would mean she was unwilling to work with me. I fumbled for words to express that I am committed to treating humans with respect and honor, without negating my own beliefs.
I was deeply challenged by these experiences. On the one hand, I am deeply and firmly committed to celebrating the beauty and glory of God's design for sexuality. On the other hand, I feel incredibly under-prepared and hesitant to know how to graciously and effectively share this delight.
One of the simplest and most profound realizations, as I wrestled with these situations, is that sexuality and gender is clearly indicated by our biology, for more than 98% of the population. Do you have female genitalia and chromosomes? You are female. Do you have male genitalia and chromosomes? You are male.
As a medical professional, I know this well. Male and female differences, medically speaking, have nothing to do with one’s gender identity and/or sexual attraction or emotions, but are simple facts of biology that affect how we express and respond to disease.
Our sexuality is deeply embodied, fleshed out, written unequivocally in our bodies. It doesn't matter if you're a tomboyish female or a sensitive gentle male. Your sex and gender is not in question, even if you don't fit the standard gender stereotypes. In fact, and here is where it gets exciting, because I am female, the ways that I show up in the world ARE female, by definition. Even if it doesn’t quite fit the gender stereotype.
If you, or someone you love, is struggling with your sexuality, gender expression, or related issues… may I encourage you to lean into the fact of your biological gender, and that God did make you gendered, with a unique and beautiful expression of your sexuality? As you do so, over time, I’m confident that you will begin to see more clearly, to heal, and to find true freedom in Christ.
PS. I first wrote this over a year ago, and finished it today. As I've personally wrestled and grown in identity over the last year, I’ve found these ideas to be even more true and relevant than when I first penned them.
Love cannot be earned...
Love isn't earned.
It cannot be.
I got my tail twisted in an anxious knot the other day, over a friendship that means a lot but isn't quite where I'd like to be.
"What if they don't like me? What if I'm not good enough? How can I change me to be what they want?"
The anxiety put a knot into my left shoulder, the one that always aches when I carry tension I'm not meant to carry. And the pain reminded me to take it to my Father, who knows me (and the other person!) much better than I can.
And there it was. The simple, profound thought. Love isn't earned. It cannot be.
I can't earn someone else's love. They choose to give it.
But neither can they earn mine. I choose to give it. (There's tremendous freedom in that.)
Love isn't earned. It cannot be. Love is a gift.
.
.
Photo from the beach on Thanksgiving, which was its own kind of gift. 🥰
Blessed are the kingdom beggars
Blessed are the poor (beggarly, destitute, helpless, lacking in power) in spirit.
What a rich picture this is! Me, having nothing. Helpless. Asking. Crouching down, asking for alms of the richest King in the world.
And He, seeing, smiles and calls it very good [happy, to be envied].
I cannot express what joy this conveys to my heart. My weakness, my helplessness, my inability to effect change and healing…. This is the very thing that the King blesses, and calls good. AND. And, He says that to this beggardlyness, He WILL give the kingdom of heaven, the right to reign over His domain and to use His authority upon earth.