“We are made to receive love, and to give it away.”
I don’t know who first said that. I do know that allowing that truth to sink deep into my heart is changing me. It began around the turn of the year, with looking back on 2020 and how grace shaped that hard and wonderful year. I wrote about it some, here.
I’ve been struggling. No, make that floundering. Flailing around like the catfish I caught last summer, the one that was hooked so deep we thought about cutting the line to get him off. He flailed and flopped and tried again, but it was no use. I can sympathize with that fish.
Last week, especially, I felt worn out. Deeply tired from the continual battle. Unwilling to give up, but hardly knowing how to go on. So I did the only thing I knew to do: keep walking and do the things you’ve promised you’ll do. Invite friends over for supper. Help teach Sunday school. Meet with the girls I’m mentoring. Go to work. Cook and clean and study. Admit how scared I am to lead a study group for our church’s youth Bible school and then do it anyway.
And through it all, pray. Receive gratefully the gift of repentance, turning away from fear and from self-sufficiency and from unbelief. And receive, with gratitude and some more tears, the prayers and hugs of several friends, as I went to that first study group meeting.
And somehow, in the midst of that group, as I spoke the truths we are studying, they came home to my own heart in a deeper way. We are looking at Colossians, using a delightful study guide from The Daily Grace Co. The theme of this short letter is simple: Jesus is all we need. Our part is to believe and obey, but the power is ALL his.
Tonight, I watched a youthful face light up with comprehension, grasping this reality: the fruits of the Spirit are fruits, not commands to be obeyed. And suddenly, I realized it too. I don’t have to create my own peace. I don’t have to manufacture joy. I don’t have to love on my own strength. Those are fruits of the Spirit within me.
I’m not so naive as to believe that I won’t ever have to relearn this truth. But for now, at least, a deep rest permeates every fiber of my being and I am at peace.
And it all came about in the process of receiving love and giving it away, serving in the ways that I was asked to do. That’s such a God kind of move, it makes my eyes watery and my throat choky.
Charis. Grace. “The influence of God on our hearts, and our response, especially thankfulness.” Yeah. That describes it pretty well.