I recently had the experience of sitting with a woman who confesses to same sex attraction. The pain and confusion is deep, and my heart aches for her loneliness and brokenness.
The next day, I spoke to a professional woman (probably lesbian, although she didn't say so) who asked me, outright, whether my religious beliefs would keep me from teaching “non-binary clients” with respect and professionalism. She made it clear that if I couldn't, it would mean she was unwilling to work with me. I fumbled for words to express that I am committed to treating humans with respect and honor, without negating my own beliefs.
I was deeply challenged by these experiences. On the one hand, I am deeply and firmly committed to celebrating the beauty and glory of God's design for sexuality. On the other hand, I feel incredibly under-prepared and hesitant to know how to graciously and effectively share this delight.
One of the simplest and most profound realizations, as I wrestled with these situations, is that sexuality and gender is clearly indicated by our biology, for more than 98% of the population. Do you have female genitalia and chromosomes? You are female. Do you have male genitalia and chromosomes? You are male.
As a medical professional, I know this well. Male and female differences, medically speaking, have nothing to do with one’s gender identity and/or sexual attraction or emotions, but are simple facts of biology that affect how we express and respond to disease.
Our sexuality is deeply embodied, fleshed out, written unequivocally in our bodies. It doesn't matter if you're a tomboyish female or a sensitive gentle male. Your sex and gender is not in question, even if you don't fit the standard gender stereotypes. In fact, and here is where it gets exciting, because I am female, the ways that I show up in the world ARE female, by definition. Even if it doesn’t quite fit the gender stereotype.
If you, or someone you love, is struggling with your sexuality, gender expression, or related issues… may I encourage you to lean into the fact of your biological gender, and that God did make you gendered, with a unique and beautiful expression of your sexuality? As you do so, over time, I’m confident that you will begin to see more clearly, to heal, and to find true freedom in Christ.
PS. I first wrote this over a year ago, and finished it today. As I've personally wrestled and grown in identity over the last year, I’ve found these ideas to be even more true and relevant than when I first penned them.